November is all about honoring and supporting caregivers. It is also National Stress Awareness Day on November 4th. The two sit side by side on the calendar, and for family caregivers, they sit side by side in everyday life too.

Nearly 1 in 4 adults in the U.S., about 63 million people, care for a loved one living with an illness or disability. You might be one of them. You might also love someone who is in this role. 

The Calendar You Keep for Someone Else

You’ve spent so many afternoons on hold sorting out your loved one’s prescriptions that you know the hold music by heart. You keep track of someone else’s appointments and refills, and you push your own checkup back again. On some days, you spend more time on the phone with an insurance company than you spend with the person you’re caring for.

Caregiving can bring purpose and closeness. It can also wear you down a little at a time, until you’re running on empty.

Stress Builds When the Alarm Stays On

Your body knows how to handle a short burst of stress. A close call on the highway sends your heart racing and gives you a jolt of energy, and a few minutes later, you settle back down.

Caregiving can keep that alarm switched on for months or years. A late-night call from the hospital turns into weeks of waiting on test results, and your body doesn’t get the signal that the danger has passed.

Over time, you might notice it in your sleep, or in a cold that hangs on longer than it should. The American Psychological Association notes that long-term stress can make it harder to focus and raises the risk of heart disease and depression.

Caregivers see this in their own health. One in five rate their health as fair or poor, and nearly 1 in 4 say caregiving makes it hard to look after themselves. Your health counts as much as the health of the person you care for.

Signs Your Stress Needs Attention

Stress can slide into burnout without much warning. You might notice changes like these:

• You wake up tired after a full night in bed.
• You snap at the person you care for, then feel guilty.
• You keep skipping your own appointments or refills.
• You’ve stopped calling friends back. Nearly 1 in 4 caregivers say they feel isolated.
• Small tasks, like filling out a form, feel too heavy to start.

Frustration and love can live side by side. Those hard feelings signal that your reserves are running low, and you deserve support before you reach empty. If a few of these sound familiar, talk with your doctor or a friend you trust.

Ways to Lighten the Load

Ask for one specific thing. Friends often say, “Let me know if you need anything,” and then you carry the work of asking. Try answering with one clear request: “Can you pick up Mom’s prescriptions on Thursday?” People find it easier to say yes to a specific request for a task. 

Keep a running list for helpers. Start a note on your phone of tasks someone else could take, like a grocery run or an hour of company for your loved one. When a neighbor offers to help, you can pick something from the list on the spot.

Protect fifteen minutes a day. Choose a small window that belongs to you and guard it like an appointment. Drink your coffee while it’s hot, or step outside for some fresh air and sun.

Lower the bar on the small stuff. Paper plates and a frozen dinner are fine on a hard night. Let some chores be good enough so you save your energy for the people and moments you care about.

Help your body settle. Breathe in for a count of four and out for a count of six, a few times in a row. A longer exhale helps calm your nervous system, and you can do it while the kettle heats or while you wait on hold. A five-minute walk around the block or a few shoulder rolls in your chair can release built-up tension too.

Take a real break. Respite care brings in a trained provider or program for a few hours or a few days so you can rest. The ARCH National Respite Network can help you find respite near you, and your local Area Agency on Aging can point you to caregiver support programs.

Find people who understand. If your loved one lives with a mental health condition, NAMI Family-to-Family offers free classes taught by family members who have been there. The classes cover communication and crisis planning alongside caring for yourself. You can also call the NAMI Family Caregiver HelpLine at 1-800-950-6264 and press 4, or text FAMILY to 62640.

Care for the Caregiver

At Flawless, we see families as crucial members of care teams. Partners need rest and people in their corner too. 

Recently John Puls and our founder Janine presented “Families as Essential Partners in Mental Health Care” at the National Federation of Families Conference. In this clip from their talk, John talks about the need for people to recognize the stress on family caregivers and give them grace. Take John’s message to heart and give yourself compassion. 

There are many ideas so choose one small step to try. Then reach out to another caregiver in your life who may be struggling and share these resources with them.