By Shelly, for Flawless Foundation
Content Warning: The following blog discusses domestic violence and trauma.
If you or someone you know is struggling with a mental health crisis, please reach out immediately: Text “HOME” to 741741 to connect with the Crisis Text Line.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
I am one in four. That number—one in four women who will experience severe physical violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime—used to be just a statistic to me. I believe sharing our individual experiences is the most powerful way to break the silence, fight isolation, and recognize how vital it is to protect our mental well-being while surviving trauma.
My relationship began innocently enough, but quickly descended into a slow process of control. It started with him throwing and breaking things around the house, followed by constant gaslighting. I was constantly walking on eggshells, trying to manage his severe mood swings while handling my own rising panic. I didn’t recognize it as abuse because he never hit me, but the emotional and mental toll was immense.
The unstable behavior peaked one night in the car when a simple request to turn down the music triggered a terrifying outburst: he started driving recklessly and purposely running a red light. Knowing I had to get out, I told him we were done. But in these situations, “done” is rarely that simple.
He threatened self-harm and, when that failed, the abuse became criminal: he hacked into my messages, stole my belongings, and eventually broke into my house. I called the police, but before they arrived, he drove away. This was the moment I realized the full extent of the danger and the necessity of legal protection.
While I knew his distress was real and potentially tied to his untreated mental health diagnoses, this behavior was abuse. It’s a tragic truth that while mental health struggles are never an excuse, access to active, consistent treatment might have significantly reduced this dangerous and unstable situation.
I knew I needed an Emergency Order of Protection, but at 23, I was completely lost. I was incredibly privileged to have a friend in the court system who guided me through the precise language and necessary steps. This is where the system is fundamentally flawed: Navigating the legal process, which requires time off work and specific communication skills, should never depend on having a personal connection. So many lack that resource or luxury. Thankfully, Local Domestic Violence Crisis Centers and Legal Aid services exist to fill this gap, offering free legal clinics and trained court advocates, which highlights the critical need for increased funding and awareness of these essential community lifelines.
Unfortunately, my story is not unique. Abuse is not just physical; it includes emotional, financial, stalking, neglect, and exploitation. Your anxiety, fear, and emotional distress are valid. You deserve safety, respect, and a path toward healing. The following statistics show just how prevalent this issue is:
1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Nearly 1 in 5 women and nearly 1 in 20 men have been stalked in their lifetime.
On a typical day, more than 20,000 phone calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.
Source: The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV)
I hope that by sharing my experience, others will recognize the many faces of abuse, and that anyone struggling to leave or get help knows that support is here. The process of surviving domestic violence, even without physical scars, leaves invisible wounds that directly impact our mental health, often magnifying pre-existing conditions like my own anxiety. Today, I am living proof of the possibility of life after trauma: I have a beautiful family and incredible friends, a wonderful husband, and a daughter who is my greatest joy. This life, filled with love and hope, is what awaits on the other side of recovery. That is why this story belongs here at Flawless Foundation: because true healing begins when we validate the full scope of our trauma and prioritize our recovery and mental well-being.
Resources for Help and Healing
Breaking free from the cycle of abuse is challenging, but support is available.
If you are in immediate danger, please call 911.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Free, confidential support 24/7.
Call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text “START” to 88788
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network)
The nation’s largest anti-sexual violence organization.
Call 800-656-HOPE (4673) (Sexual Assault Hotline)
