This year, many schools have announced that they will be giving students Thanksgiving week off for a mental health break, affirming the point that the transition to in-person school has been more challenging than expected. This Fall, students returned to school in an environment of uncertainty and tension. This “new normal” has significant implications for some of our most vulnerable populations including children. While the anticipation of returning to school was exciting, this transition has also prompted difficulties for many children and families. However, a silver lining is the subsequent increase in awareness of mental health that has been facilitated in part by many high profile athletes leveraging their platform to open up the discussion. We recently attended a virtual conversation hosted by the Child Mind Institute where Dr. Harold Koplewicz and football legend Ronnie Lott sat down to talk about how parents and caregivers can support children as they learn to cope with all these changes.
Here are six takeaways from this important discussion:
Parents can model self care and emotion regulation
Anxiety is contagious, but so are good self care practices. Children are known to model behavior after their parents, so one way that parents can support their children during this time is by prioritizing their own self care and trying to stay regulated. When the adults practice self care, model being calm and handle uncertainty with composure, their actions and attitudes naturally influence their children to do the same.
Practice, practice, practice!
If you know that your children or teens normally have trouble with transitions, practice anticipated stressful situations with them. Going back to school after a long period of being at home was undoubtedly going to be difficult, especially for children with social or emotional challenges. Periodically doing a practice run through your morning routine, taking your child to school over the weekend, or considering a sleepover with a friend to practice separation will help them prepare for the real thing. Additionally, for kids who are more socially anxious, encouraging them to get familiar with their community by getting friends on the field to play a game or taking a walk with a group of peers can help them socialize. After those practice exercises, be sure to digest the experience with them. Children also thrive best when they have routines, so planning activities such as outdoor play or family dinners and other rituals can help them establish consistency and stability after this period of uncertainty.
Keep the News Limited
With all of the events happening in the 24/7 news cycle, we might forget to limit what is on the TV or discussions about current events in front of our kids. We know that frequent exposure to the media and repetitive news cycles can cause children to worry and stress. Therefore, limiting our news intake is a good way to help children deal with the stressors in their lives. Watching the news for 10 minutes, 3 times a day without your children present is a more healthy way to stay up to date on what is happening around you, while also keeping kids from feeling overwhelmed.
Practice being present
While the news has the potential to trigger our emotions, there is also an opportunity to promote clarity and calm. One of the key questions asked during this discussion was “how do we influence young people to be present after such a long period of disconnection?”. Dr. Koplewicz offers a few approaches to this:
1 – Encouraging your child to do 20 minutes of exercise each day is his first suggestion as he says that physical activity is good for their brain development.
2 – Then he suggests asking your child to sit still for 5 minutes and coupling that with an activity such as identifying five bird sounds or finding five different leaves to help practice stillness.
3 – Finally, and most importantly, he recommends minimizing screen time. This suggestion is going to take time and effort to implement successfully as many kids have found comfort in their screens during the pandemic. However, promoting outdoor activities or Sundays without screens might be a helpful approach. Returning to school may cause anxiety and a series of other uncomfortable feelings for kids. For some children, the time spent learning from home over the last year has created learning loss and a set back in their ability to focus. Practicing and modeling being present is key.
Look for the positive
When we look for the positive in our children, we increase their capacity for resilience and growth. Often parents have the tendency to label their children’s negative behaviors and more frequently recognize the actions that align with those behaviors. It’s important for parents to monitor all of their behaviors, especially the positive ones. Catch your child doing something positive and label it specifically! By ignoring insignificant behaviors and acknowledging positive behavior, we facilitate success for our children and encourage more of those desirable actions.
Similarly, it is important to help your child see the positive in their everyday life. At dinner, for example, have your kids practice gratitude by asking them “what was the most fun part of your day?” or go around the table and have everyone answer the question “why are we lucky?”. Simple gratitude and positivity exercises such as these can promote meaningful connections with our children and it is good for their social and emotional development.
Children’s resilience is not in their DNA, some children have been set up for resilience while others have had the odds stacked against them. Specifically, in marginalized communities, children experience disproportionate amounts of stress that has now been coupled with the anxiety and uncertainty induced by COVID-19. Our children need our help more than ever because the transition back to school might have been more traumatic. We must be aware of their mental health and give them tools and resources to help as they navigate this new terrain at school.
Be aware and proactive
Our responsibility to model positive behaviors and composure as parents and adults has never been more important. Helping children with this major transition has been no easy feat, but we need to continue to use the tools and techniques that have worked during this challenging time. As we approach the holiday season when our kids will be facing transitions from home to school again, it is imperative that we try to implement Dr Koplewicz’s suggestions to model emotional regulation, self care and resilience. If we as adults can set a comforting tone, the joy and peace of the season will be even sweeter.
