In a year like no other, there is undoubtedly going to be a holiday season like no other. Many people this year are struggling to cope with negative emotions as they approach the holidays this year, and for good reason. There are so many causes for feeling anxiety, stress, and disappointment that sometimes it can get overwhelming. However, there are useful strategies to help you deal with those feelings. Recently, Dr. Marc Brackett and Dr. Robin Stern sat down virtually to discuss how to manage negative emotions during a holiday season amid the COVID-19 Pandemic. Here are some key takeaways from their discussion that might help you cope with overwhelming feelings as the year comes to a close.
- Change your relationship with negative emotions.
If you are experiencing negative emotions this holiday season such as anxiety or disappointment, instead of seeing those emotions as a bad thing, try to shift your perspective. Negative emotions are the reality of what we are experiencing right now, and they are completely valid. Try to catch yourself ruminating on negative emotions and ask yourself what you can control. If there are aspects of the situation that are out of your control, focus on what you can control. Can you take better care of yourself or better care of those around you? Make connections with things that you can control and acknowledge that there are some things you can’t change.
- Get Creative!
After acknowledging that there are some aspects of the situation you can’t control, get creative with your solutions. This message can be useful for parents who are trying to think of how to make the holidays fun for their children or someone who is trying to have an enjoyable holiday season with their family. “Embellish the positive emotions” and create surprises that are within the boundaries of your situation. Be proactive when it comes to making plans for the holidays. Call your relatives and plan a Zoom call or socially distant dinner in advance. Remember that being creative takes effort, and it doesn’t always work out right away. Be persistent and don’t give up if your plans don’t happen in the way you were expecting. Try to plan for any obstacles you will have to overcome.
- Set Boundaries
A big part of the conversation between Dr. Brackett and Dr. Stern had to do with the stress of political conversations this year given the tense political climate. When these conversations arise this holiday season, it is important to set boundaries that are within your comfort zone. If you do not feel like participating in an uncomfortable conversation, it is okay to say no and remove yourself. It is important to communicate your feelings with your family and friends and let them know when you would like to opt out. Dr. Brackett and Dr. Stern gave two amazing tips for this specific scenario.
- Psychological distancing: If you find yourself unable to escape a stressful political conversation, try to turn your engagement into more of an observation. Shifting your role in the conversation from active to watchful can allow you to remove yourself from the feeling part of the conversation which can have less of an impact on your emotions.
- Going to the zoo: When you are seeing your family members, who engage in repetitive habits, prepare yourself for the interaction by knowing what to expect. Use the zoo technique and prepare yourself with what to expect based on previous interactions. For example, you wouldn’t expect a panda to act like a giraffe just like you wouldn’t expect your aunt or uncle to behave any differently than they normally do when you interact with them.
4. Focus on helping others
Sometimes, if you are experiencing negative emotions, helping others can be the perfect way to distract yourself and take a step back. If you are feeling overwhelmed with anxiety this holiday season, call a friend or relative who might be struggling and ask how they are doing. Maybe go on a socially distant walk with them if you have time. However, if you are feeling fatigued, it is important to take care of yourself first. Showing compassion to yourself is just as important as showing compassion to others. Emotions are contagious, so try to remember that if you are around someone who is stressed, you might start to feel stressed. Similarly, if you are emitting positive emotions, others around you might do the same. Be cognizant of your emotions and aware of how being near people can affect the way you are feeling.
- Practice Gratitude
We talk about gratitude a lot at Flawless, and it is clear that this idea is backed by science. Trying to think of the things you’re grateful for can go a long way for relieving stress. This holiday season, focus on gratitude. Think about what you are thankful for and be creative with your responses. Action oriented gratitude is a helpful strategy as well. Try to say thank you more to help other people feel your appreciation. One small act of kindness can go a long way for you and for others.
- Practice Self Care
According to Dr. Marc Brackett, people often confuse self care with spending money on things that make them feel good about themselves. This isn’t exactly what self care means. Self care over the holidays can be as simple as getting a good night’s sleep, trying your best to eat nutritious food, prioritizing exercise or movement, and spending time in nature. Although it is important to recognize that not everyone has equal access to self care, doing your best with your situation is still crucial. Dr. Robin Stern noted that self care sometimes has a bad reputation for being selfish. She emphasized that this is not the case. Self care is crucial in order for you to be there for other people.
- Remember the “Big Seven”
Dr. Marc Brackett and Dr. Robin Stern finished their talk discussing the seven key elements to self care that can be beneficial this holiday season, and in general.
- Giving yourself the permission to feel – allow yourself to feel your feelings!
- Practice mindfulness and breathing exercises – this will allow you to take a step back and deactivate if you are feeling unsettled.
- Build and sustain positive relationships – engage positive empathy with your friends and family.
- Manage your thoughts – monitor your self talk and shift it from negative to positive if need be.
- Practice biological self care – this includes activities such as sleep, healthy eating, exercise.
- Practice psychological self care – this can include activities that bring you joy like taking a walk, journaling, or making a gratitude note.
- Manage your life smartly – take a step back and ask yourself if your habits are setting you up for wellbeing.
